A whole lotta crazy

Thursday, September 10, 2009 I don't post much. I really wish I posted more. I hate when things start to feel like work though! So, I post when I feel like it. Or when I have to vent/talk. This post, like the last is about my Gramma, whom I miss dearly. She died almost two years ago and I think about that day and the days to follow it hurts like it always has. My grandmother, Caroline Martinez Died of a heart attack on October 9th 2007. Sometimes it feels like it was so long ago, and sometimes it feels like it was yesterday. Every time I think of that day my heart breaks all over again. It doesn't help that ever since she died a piece of my heart went missing. It went with her to heaven and that's where it will stay. I guess it's more around this time of year that it starts to hurt more. I think of her everyday... Every single day, but this is when everything started. It feels like the weight of the world is laying on my chest and nothing can help it. I know she's happy now and with God, and I am so selfish to want her back but I do. There are times when I find myself wanting to call her still just to ask how her day was. I know I can't in life but I can in my dreams. I don't know that I will ever talk about those last days I spent with her in the hospital. All those moments just between us. I treasure those moments so dearly. No words can be said that can express the way I felt... Joy, Pain, Happiness, scared those don't even begin to cover all the emotions I felt sitting there with her. But I do miss her. My heart is broken and always will be. I know she's there watching over me, and now she's always around whenever I need her. I just wish I could hear her voice again. Wish I could touch her and hug her. Wish she was here with me. I refuse to fight back the tears I have for her. Tear's of happiness that she is no longer suffering. Tear's of sadness that I have because I miss her so much. I love you grandma... The memories I have with you from the time I was a little girl to now will always be cherished. Tell god I said hi and watch over my mom and dad. I know they miss you too. I know everyone does. We all hold you very close in our hearts and minds. The caring, kindness, and generosity you have shown to us and everyone who was ever lucky enough to be part of your life will never be forgotten. You were the most amazing woman I have ever known. You were willing to give up what little you had to help anyone who needed it. You are my HERO. You will always be my hero. And I'd like to think that I am at where I am today because you believed in me and you still believe in me. I love you so much, more than words can say and more than all the stars in the sky. Sleep tight with the angles. Sending you my love from far far away. I hope you can feel it like I feel you in my heart everyday =] Slid down the rainbow at 8:18 PM 0 comments Sunday, August 30, 2009 Caroline (mi abuelita) Today I cried Today I remembered that day... Today my heart broke a little more Today I remembered how much I miss you Today I cried Today I miss your embrace Today something hit really close to home Today I am angry Today I cried Today I remembred the last words you said Today I miss you more than ever Today I want you back Today I cried Today I wiped the tears Today I drowned my fears I've already had to let you go Slid down the rainbow at 12:46 AM 0 comments Tuesday, August 25, 2009 Take me to neverland take me back to neverland where I can stay young in your arms sing me loves sweet lullabies and I'll remember every word Take me off to wonderland where we can carelessly explore dance with me playfully and I'll repeat your every move Lets go to tomorrow land where all is said and done hold me in your arms and I will never let you go Let me wish upon a star and I'd repeat it all again never land would be forever and we will always be together Slid down the rainbow at 12:00 AM 0 comments Monday, August 17, 2009 Day 1... So I'm starting weight watchers today because I have been eating so poorly. Literally so poorly...Greasy fattening food. It sucks that I've been sick for a LONG time now, and it just makes me want to eat junk food even more because it's "comforting". Ha ha OK not really it just tastes good. It's now 2:30 pm and I haven't actually had anything to eat yet because I'd rather have a cheeseburger than try to find something healthy. Not that it takes any more effort to find something healthy then it does to have a cheeseburger. And the truth is I actually LOVE healthy food... Fruits vegetables... YUM!!! I love Broccoli, Lettuce, Tomatos. Put all that together and you have a pretty bitchin salad! So anyway to sum it up Its in the afternoon I have no food in my system and I'm making no effort to actually go and find some food lol... Oh well! I know i'll eat at some point and it will be healthy and delicious lol! And to be fair I'm not ALL THAT hungry and i'm a firm believer in don't force yourself to eat. Only eat when you're hungry. Anyway that's all my rambling about NOTHING and ya... Slid down the rainbow at 2:29 PM 0 comments Sunday, August 16, 2009 Opinionated much? Well here we go. My first ever blog. I have gone over in my head what I would like to blog about over and over again. Since I can't pick just one thing I've decided to write about EVERYTHING. Everything from taking a trip to sea world, to the latest Las Vegas shows (And I will give an honest OPINIONATED review) to movies, etc. While every day may be kind of repetitive there are new happenings even if they're small. So even if no one reads this but me myself and I, at least it will give me something to look forward to when I crawl into bed at night. So as I do research for my next topic I leave this with no real beginning and to real ending just because I can :) Slid down the rainbow at 5:51 PM 0 comments Why the hell not? So this is not much. Just a hello... I must think about what I'm going to blog, and while I have ideas I don't feel like posting them at 2:30 am lol! So ya blog ya later :) Love, local.x.celeb Slid down the rainbow at 2:23 AM 0 comments Where To? August 2009 September 2009 Search the Rainbow Posts of Note Affect or Effect? Get This Template I don't need to go over the rainbow but I'd like to go to these places (In no order)... France Rome China Egypt Fiji Niagra falls New York Australia Hawaii Africa Spain Ireland Links Follow me on twitter :) Add me on myspace Follow me on twitter :)